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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Better
Keen
Humor
Wife
Sense

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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Henny Youngman
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
Henny Youngman
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
Henny Youngman