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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Keen
Humor
Wife
Sense
Better

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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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