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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Girl
Things
Men
Life
Like
Attracted
Girls
Simple
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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