Quote

I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?

Henny Youngman

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Idiot
Paid
Free
Make

More quotes by Henny Youngman

Image
My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
Henny Youngman
Image
There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
Henny Youngman
Image
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
Henny Youngman
Image
I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
Henny Youngman
Image
I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
Henny Youngman
Image
I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
Henny Youngman
Image
I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
Henny Youngman
Image
I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
Henny Youngman
Image
My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
Henny Youngman
Image
The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
Henny Youngman
Image
I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
Henny Youngman
Image
Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
Henny Youngman
Image
While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
Henny Youngman
Image
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman
Image
The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
Henny Youngman
Image
I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
Henny Youngman
Image
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
Image
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman
Image
I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
Henny Youngman
Image
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
Henny Youngman