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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Told
Law
House
Mother
Sold
More quotes by Henny Youngman
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Henny Youngman