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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Sold
Told
Law
House
Mother

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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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