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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Law
House
Mother
Sold
Told

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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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