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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Law
House
Mother
Sold
Told

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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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