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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Sold
Told
Law
House
Mother

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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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