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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Mother
Sold
Told
Law
House

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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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