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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Friend
Wife
Tell
Away
Best
Ran
Miss
Missing

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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
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