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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Tell
Away
Best
Ran
Miss
Missing
Friend
Wife
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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