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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Away
Best
Ran
Miss
Missing
Friend
Wife
Tell

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
Henny Youngman
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
Henny Youngman
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
Henny Youngman