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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Missing
Friend
Wife
Tell
Away
Best
Ran
Miss

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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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