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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Asks
Different
Time
Answer
Answers
More quotes by Henny Youngman
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Henny Youngman
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
Henny Youngman
He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
Henny Youngman
A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
Henny Youngman
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman
A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
Henny Youngman
If I had blood, I'd blush.
Henny Youngman
My wife has a black belt in shopping.
Henny Youngman
Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
Henny Youngman
What is a home without children? Quiet.
Henny Youngman
There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
Henny Youngman
I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
Henny Youngman
Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
Henny Youngman
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Henny Youngman
The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
Henny Youngman
She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
Henny Youngman
We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
Henny Youngman
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
Henny Youngman