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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Answer
Answers
Asks
Different
Time

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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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