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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Answer
Answers
Asks
Different
Time

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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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