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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Asks
Different
Time
Answer
Answers

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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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