Quote

When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Always
Restaurants
Managers
Table
Near
Tables
Asks
Waiter
Give
Restaurant
Giving
Manager

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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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