Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
Henny Youngman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Tables
Asks
Waiter
Give
Restaurant
Giving
Manager
Always
Restaurants
Managers
Table
Near
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I live about four muggings from Central Park.
Henny Youngman
Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
Henny Youngman
I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
Henny Youngman
My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
Henny Youngman
I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
Henny Youngman
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
Henny Youngman
She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
Henny Youngman
Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
Henny Youngman
Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
Henny Youngman
I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
Henny Youngman
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
Henny Youngman
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
Henny Youngman
Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
Henny Youngman
I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
Henny Youngman
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
Henny Youngman
I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
Henny Youngman
In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
Henny Youngman