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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Always
Restaurants
Managers
Table
Near
Tables
Asks
Waiter
Give
Restaurant
Giving
Manager
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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