Quote

I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Right
Vegas
Gambling
Airplane
Beat
Beats
Walk
Walks
Tell
Propeller

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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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