Quote

I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Call
Flattery
Nowhere
Car
Gets

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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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