Quote

I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Flattery
Nowhere
Car
Gets
Call

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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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