Quote

I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Car
Gets
Call
Flattery
Nowhere

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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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