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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Flattery
Nowhere
Car
Gets
Call
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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