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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Expert
Divorced
Experts
Keeps
Gets
House
Every
Housekeeper
Time
Housekeepers
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
Henny Youngman
