Quote

Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Divorced
Experts
Keeps
Gets
House
Every
Housekeeper
Time
Housekeepers
Expert

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Henny Youngman