Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
Henny Youngman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Expert
Divorced
Experts
Keeps
Gets
House
Every
Housekeeper
Time
Housekeepers
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
Henny Youngman
Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
Henny Youngman
Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
Henny Youngman
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
Henny Youngman
I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
Henny Youngman
My wife has a black belt in shopping.
Henny Youngman
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
Henny Youngman
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
Henny Youngman
Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
Henny Youngman
The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
Henny Youngman
The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
Henny Youngman
In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
Henny Youngman
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman
My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
Henny Youngman
I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
Henny Youngman
I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
Henny Youngman
Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
Henny Youngman
A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
Henny Youngman
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
