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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Fountain
Drink
College
Knowledge

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
Henny Youngman
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
Henny Youngman