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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
College
Knowledge
Fountain
Drink

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
Henny Youngman