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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Fountain
Drink
College
Knowledge

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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