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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
College
Knowledge
Fountain
Drink

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
Henny Youngman
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
Henny Youngman
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
Henny Youngman
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Henny Youngman
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
Henny Youngman
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
Henny Youngman
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
Henny Youngman