Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Henny Youngman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Clock
Paper
Law
Mother
Cuckoo
Cuckoos
Neat
Puts
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Henny Youngman
Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
Henny Youngman
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman
I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
Henny Youngman
Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
Henny Youngman
I live about four muggings from Central Park.
Henny Youngman
College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
Henny Youngman
I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
Henny Youngman
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
Henny Youngman
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman
There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
Henny Youngman
I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
Henny Youngman
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Henny Youngman
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Henny Youngman
That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
Henny Youngman
The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
Henny Youngman
I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
Henny Youngman
Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
Henny Youngman