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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Clock
Paper
Law
Mother
Cuckoo
Cuckoos
Neat
Puts
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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