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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Clock
Paper
Law
Mother
Cuckoo
Cuckoos
Neat
Puts
More quotes by Henny Youngman
This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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