Quote

Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Puts
Clock
Paper
Law
Mother
Cuckoo
Cuckoos
Neat

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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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