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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Married

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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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