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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Married

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
Henny Youngman
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
Henny Youngman
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Henny Youngman