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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Married

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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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