Quote

Are you married? What do you do for agravation?

Henny Youngman

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Married

More quotes by Henny Youngman

Image
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
Henny Youngman
Image
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Henny Youngman
Image
I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
Henny Youngman
Image
Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
Henny Youngman
Image
The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
Henny Youngman
Image
Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
Henny Youngman
Image
My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
Henny Youngman
Image
Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
Henny Youngman
Image
A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
Henny Youngman
Image
He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
Henny Youngman
Image
My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
Henny Youngman
Image
You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
Henny Youngman
Image
On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
Henny Youngman
Image
Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman
Image
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman
Image
I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
Henny Youngman
Image
The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
Henny Youngman
Image
He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
Henny Youngman
Image
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
Image
If I had blood, I'd blush.
Henny Youngman