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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Married

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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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