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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Married

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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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A woman says to a man, I haven't seen you around here. Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife. So you're single!
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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