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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Married

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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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