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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Married

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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? I was ironing, and the phone rang! What about the other ear? Had to call the doctor!
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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