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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Reincarnation
Alive
Believe

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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
Henny Youngman