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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Reincarnation
Alive
Believe

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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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