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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Believe
Reincarnation
Alive

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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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