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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Reincarnation
Alive
Believe

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
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A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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My wife has a black belt in shopping.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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