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I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Reincarnation
Alive
Believe

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
Henny Youngman