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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Motel
Motels
Quarters
Dollars
Give
Giving
Good
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
Henny Youngman
If I had blood, I'd blush.
Henny Youngman
I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
Henny Youngman
When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
Henny Youngman
Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Henny Youngman
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Henny Youngman
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
Henny Youngman
Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman
A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
Henny Youngman
The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
Henny Youngman
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
Henny Youngman
Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
Henny Youngman
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
Henny Youngman
Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
Henny Youngman
The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
Henny Youngman
Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
Henny Youngman
Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
Henny Youngman
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Henny Youngman
A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
Henny Youngman