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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Dollars
Give
Giving
Good
Motel
Motels
Quarters

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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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