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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Motel
Motels
Quarters
Dollars
Give
Giving
Good

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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
Henny Youngman