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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Give
Giving
Good
Motel
Motels
Quarters
Dollars
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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