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A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Quarters
Dollars
Give
Giving
Good
Motel
Motels
More quotes by Henny Youngman
A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Henny Youngman
Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
Henny Youngman
Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
Henny Youngman
If I had blood, I'd blush.
Henny Youngman
I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
Henny Youngman
Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
Henny Youngman
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, Crick.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
Henny Youngman