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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Marriage
Marrying
Failures
Caused

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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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What is a home without children? Quiet.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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