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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Marrying
Failures
Caused
Marriage

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
Henny Youngman