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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Marrying
Failures
Caused
Marriage

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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, Which way do I go? But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...
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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
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