Quote

Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.

Henny Youngman

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Failures
Caused
Marriage
Marrying

More quotes by Henny Youngman

Image
I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
Henny Youngman
Image
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
Image
He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
Henny Youngman
Image
When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
Henny Youngman
Image
Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
Henny Youngman
Image
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Henny Youngman
Image
A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
Henny Youngman
Image
My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
Henny Youngman
Image
I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
Henny Youngman
Image
How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
Henny Youngman
Image
The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
Henny Youngman
Image
Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
Henny Youngman
Image
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
Henny Youngman
Image
You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
Henny Youngman
Image
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Henny Youngman
Image
I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
Image
Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Henny Youngman
Image
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
Henny Youngman
Image
We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
Henny Youngman
Image
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Henny Youngman