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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Marrying
Failures
Caused
Marriage

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman