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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Would
Men
Think
Thinking
Weren
Life
Faults
Marriage
Comedy
Funny
More quotes by Henny Youngman
If I had blood, I'd blush.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
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My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
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She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, Tut, Tut!
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Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
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You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
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I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
Henny Youngman
