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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Think
Thinking
Weren
Life
Faults
Marriage
Comedy
Funny
Would
Men
More quotes by Henny Youngman
I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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Doctor says to a man, You're pregnant! The man says, How does a man get pregnant? The doctor says, The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner....
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On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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Let's get up here before we get killed!
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
