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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Would
Men
Think
Thinking
Weren
Life
Faults
Marriage
Comedy
Funny
More quotes by Henny Youngman
The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!
Henny Youngman
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
Henny Youngman
He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
Henny Youngman
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
Henny Youngman
A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
Henny Youngman
Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
Henny Youngman
Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
Henny Youngman
If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
Henny Youngman
I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
Henny Youngman
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
Henny Youngman
There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
Henny Youngman
While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
Henny Youngman
I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
Henny Youngman
There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
Henny Youngman
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. Mrs. Cohen answered, So did my arthritis!
Henny Youngman
I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
Henny Youngman
Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
Henny Youngman
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
