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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Thinking
Weren
Life
Faults
Marriage
Comedy
Funny
Would
Men
Think
More quotes by Henny Youngman
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
Henny Youngman
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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The Doctor says, You'll live to be 60! I AM 60! See, what did I tell you?
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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
Henny Youngman
How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
Henny Youngman
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
Henny Youngman
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
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My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, Where are you going? My wife said, I must be late, everyone is all coming back!
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A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, Can I park here? No says the cop. What about all these other cars? They didn't ask!
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The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
Henny Youngman
