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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Think
Thinking
Weren
Life
Faults
Marriage
Comedy
Funny
Would
Men
More quotes by Henny Youngman
Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
Henny Youngman
I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!
Henny Youngman
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
Henny Youngman
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Henny Youngman
I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
Henny Youngman
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henny Youngman
Now, the band that inspired that great saying, Stop The Music!!
Henny Youngman
I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
Henny Youngman
My wife has a black belt in shopping.
Henny Youngman
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Henny Youngman
My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
Henny Youngman
I live about four muggings from Central Park.
Henny Youngman
A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
Henny Youngman
Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Henny Youngman
I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
Henny Youngman
I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
Henny Youngman
Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.
Henny Youngman
I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
Henny Youngman
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
Henny Youngman
