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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Comedy
Forget
Funny
Words
Firsts
First
Peanuts
Never
Popcorn
Theatre
More quotes by Henny Youngman
When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
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My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
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A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
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A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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A tough guy told me, I'll bet you $10 you're dead. I was afraid to bet him.
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A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, Doc, how do I stand? The doctor says, That's what puzzles me!
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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