Quote

I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Words
Firsts
First
Peanuts
Never
Popcorn
Theatre
Comedy
Forget
Funny

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Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.
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Nurse: Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office. Doctor: Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
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I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.
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A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, There is water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake.
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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If I had blood, I'd blush.
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When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, Give me a table near a waiter.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
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This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
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