Quote

I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
First
Peanuts
Never
Popcorn
Theatre
Comedy
Forget
Funny
Words
Firsts

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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess.
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
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Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
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Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
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I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.
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My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?
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I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.
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While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
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My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
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I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
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I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.
Henny Youngman