Quote

I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Firsts
First
Peanuts
Never
Popcorn
Theatre
Comedy
Forget
Funny
Words

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I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
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Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
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A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
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A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?
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