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I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. Peanuts. Popcorn.
Henny Youngman
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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Funny
Words
Firsts
First
Peanuts
Never
Popcorn
Theatre
Comedy
Forget
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Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
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A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
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Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
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Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
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I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
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I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
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Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, Huh. I lost 100 pounds!
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Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
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Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
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If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
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My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
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My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
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He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
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