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He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman
Age: 91 †
Born: 1906
Born: March 16
Died: 1998
Died: February 24
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Musician
Violinist
City of Liverpool
Wasn
Comedy
Funny
Might
Defect
Fatal
Defects
Comic

More quotes by Henny Youngman

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The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
Henny Youngman
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A doctor says to a man, You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day. Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, How is your love life since you have been running? I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!
Henny Youngman
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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, Let's get up here before we get killed!
Henny Youngman
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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, Am I too late for the garbage? No, jump in!
Henny Youngman
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You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
Henny Youngman
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The doctor says to the patient, Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window. What will that do asks the patient. The doctor says I'm mad at my neighbor!.
Henny Youngman
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
Henny Youngman
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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Henny Youngman
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What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
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If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
Henny Youngman
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There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
Henny Youngman
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I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
Henny Youngman
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A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says You've been brought here for drinking. The drunk says Okay, let's get started.
Henny Youngman
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How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
Henny Youngman
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Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Henny Youngman
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I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
Henny Youngman
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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Henny Youngman
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I live about four muggings from Central Park.
Henny Youngman
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The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
Henny Youngman
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I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
Henny Youngman